.~*`Raindance`*~.: July 2006

false hopes

Boy....I got a good dose of reality talking to fellow students at the hospital yesterday. Hmmm....it's scary to realize that only a third of all nutrition students will go on to become dietitians after graduation. It's really weird, because that's what we're all training to do in school, but the internship world turns away a good 2/3 of us, wishing us luck as we figure out what plan B is. There really is no full assurance for being in this program. Looking at the most recent graduating class, I've seen average students get 1st round matches with their choice placement, and exceptional students unable to score an interview. I am so confused as to what these ppl want from us. *sigh* Hearing from grads that are waiting to apply again this year; stories of anxiety, frustration, time wasted, self-doubt etc. really makes me wonder what should I be doing if I had to wait an extra year to get in. The praise and encouragement I'm given at nygh, I take it with a big boulder of salt, as they're not the ones that have a say in the hiring committee. If they were tho....muahaahahha.... *oh quit daydreaming doreen* Anyway, this school year should be interesting. There are some gaps to fill in my resume and in my grades. I foresee the most nerdy year ever.

But a few more weeks of summer remains to be enjoyed.... :o) My sister's wedding is in 15 days! We'll be cramming in out-of-town relatives, so our household will be filled to the brim with 11 ppl. I get first dibs on the biggest couch!

Asking God the age-old question: "why?"

I just finished Elizabeth Elliot's book "On asking God Why". This was a great belated gift from Dorcas, and it was a blessing to read. Many a times, God does things we do not understand, and we're faced with suffering, pain, loss, hurt, rejection, death, confusion etc. I often fail to see the bigger picture, and become stuck in a moment like a frog trapped in the bottom of a well. My vision is narrow, and my perception of the world is skewed. The question "why" is very important, because the word itself presupposes purpose. Purpose presupposes intelligence, and so somebody is responsible. Who better to ask than God?

Lately, I've found myself to be asking why I'm being led around in the wilderness. What a waste of time, and there's no purpose at all except for my suffering....yadda yadda....so I thought. I fail to see what's ahead of me, but time and time again, He whispers His peace to me, and I know I'm surrounded by His grace, even though I may be running around in circles. E. Elliot offers many insights on trusting God, and that is how we please Him in every circumstance. For in Romans 14:23 says "...whatever is not from faith is sin." I'm reminded now that God invites his children to lay our questions before him, because in him we'll find the answers we need. PTL. :o)

TGIzhoumo!

A 25 y.o. patient swore at me yesterday. At first I was taken aback, as I was only sitting there and trying to strike up a conversation with her before assessing her. She was with her social worker, who kindly told me that it's her psychosis talking. Whew. I pondered to myself for a moment, as slews of profanity rang on. Wow...everything she says is negated, so she's has complete liberty to express all those random thoughts in her head. I'd like to be able to do that somedays. heheh...then I had to negate my own crazy thoughts and get back to business.

My mandarin is abominable. Seriously. Ask my cat Nala. I'm still stuck in the level 1 coursepak. Which I know I must get under my belt before taking level 2 in sept. *gulp* She sleeps next to me on the couch...and I often practice vocab while she's there. My 'j, q, x, z, c, s' sounds are so hard on her ears that she yelps every time she hears it in a sentence. lol. Then I stop and let her sleep again, and proceed to read on. Her yelping continues as I butcher my mother tongue. She gets up this time, head butts me, and jumps off the couch. It's hilarious. I continue to torture her till she runs away at least 3 mornings a week. In other kitty news. Roly-poly Simba is doing well. We both take glucosamine for our joint pains, and now Sim can sprint up the stairs faster than me. That's quite a feat for my morbidly obese baby. Have a great weekend!

Simba's favourite "come rub ma belly woman!" pose. picture courtesy of jesse.

good-bye to you...

enough lies. enough fabrications.
The mob mentality is a terrible human condition where reasoning is lost. Jealousy and an evil tongue is the cause of all this. There is nothing left to do in the face of evil, but be silent. Time will reveal the truth. Jesus will redeem us, and God will justify every wrong. I believe God's still in control, and He will bring some good out of all this. We just have to deal with the pain, void, and hurt right now...If any of you are reading this, I hope with all my heart that you come before God; if you still claim His lordship over your lives...and ask Him if we are pleasing Him or not. I do miss you, but there is no point in trying if you want nothing to do with me. so good-bye.
*no need to comment...I'm just helping myself put some finality to this*