freewriting...

is a technique to see what's up in someone's head. Perhaps it's a good release for some, and reveal issues that may lie in the subconcious. So I decided to try it out one day...to write continuously for 15 minutes without stopping...pen down every thought that comes. To my surprise, I found 15 questions directed at God and myself, 10 negative emotions revealed, and only 3 positive emotions identified. Hmm...that's not a good state to be in.

Good intentions mean nothing...I can intend to do good...but can go and do evil instead. The tongue is the source of much evil...and I refuse to be the hearer and bearer of empty words. That is why I may not be speaking up much these days. I may have deceived myself once again of who God is, and that really sucks. I've hit rock bottom, and have come to the end of myself. And I cry out "Change my heart O God, make it ever true. Change my heart O God, may I be like You."

I believe that this is a crucial process of every believer to go through. To go through fire and testing, so that we can come out clean, refined, whole, and new.