I'm beginning to understand myself more and more. Yes, I do know myself, in terms of who I am, why I am here, and what I am living for. But sometimes, I don't know why I react the way I do. It was made clear to me not long ago, but until then, I just kept getting upset at myself for feeling a certain way or reacting negatively when something (I didn't expect) happens. I'm not being too specific, but it relates to situations between me, my family and my friends.
I realize that words don't mean that much to me, I usually take in the language ppl use at face value, and analyze it with the actions/body language. A friend posted up something from a book called "The 5 Love Languages". That has helped me understand my own love language. No no, this isn't the sappy stuff, but how we express our love to our family and friends.
5 love languages are:
1. words of affirmation (praise, encouragement etc.)
2. acts of service (doing something for someone, not egocentric, but ecocentric)
3. physical touch
4. receiving gifts
5. quality time (catching up, keeping in touch)
My love lanquage is acts of service. I guess I was brought up on that. My traditional chinese parents don't express their love with words, physical touch, or receiving gifts. But they show it through their actions. I don't buy into words of affirmation very much, as if someone were to say they loved me (lol), I would have trouble believing that statement if there was no action to back that up. I think ppl can tell physical touch isn't my love language, as I don't like to have my comfort zone invaded. Receving gifts is cool, it shows that someone was thoughtful to give you a present, but that doesn't constitute love in my mind. Quality time is very important, and I do try to express that as an action (calling a friend up, visiting, catching up over lunch etc.). But for me, actions (without words) is the strongest element of love expression. I remember I broke down one time and cried when I got a big cooler of food from home unexpectedly thru a friend. I realized then that my parents loved me so much more than I thought they had (misconception that I was the forgotten middle child). If you talk to my sister, you'd find out that we say a lot of mean things to each other, half-jokingly bashing each other. But there's no harm done, b/c that's not our love language so neither of us are hurt by it. But if I asked my sister to do something for me, and she forgets to, I feel hurt and sometimes insulted, b/c I interpreted that as her lack of concern for me (even though that's not true). My friends take many actions to show they care (visiting me, cooking 4 me, calling me, driving me, picking up after me etc.), it warms my heart, cuz I know I'm loved and cared for. Even right down to the little details of life can stirke a chord in my heart that I won't easily forget. But to express your love and concern for other ppl, you must use the language that they associate love to, in order for them to understand. That may not the same as your own love langauge, and that takes lots of practice to get it right. This may also explain why we have best friends (the ones that fully understand your language and expresses it), to close friends (learning more about each other's love language), to friends (perhaps different love languages), to aquaintances. I guess this is what makes human relationships so unique and wonderful, but sometimes confusing, misleading, and even tricky.
I realize that words don't mean that much to me, I usually take in the language ppl use at face value, and analyze it with the actions/body language. A friend posted up something from a book called "The 5 Love Languages". That has helped me understand my own love language. No no, this isn't the sappy stuff, but how we express our love to our family and friends.
5 love languages are:
1. words of affirmation (praise, encouragement etc.)
2. acts of service (doing something for someone, not egocentric, but ecocentric)
3. physical touch
4. receiving gifts
5. quality time (catching up, keeping in touch)
My love lanquage is acts of service. I guess I was brought up on that. My traditional chinese parents don't express their love with words, physical touch, or receiving gifts. But they show it through their actions. I don't buy into words of affirmation very much, as if someone were to say they loved me (lol), I would have trouble believing that statement if there was no action to back that up. I think ppl can tell physical touch isn't my love language, as I don't like to have my comfort zone invaded. Receving gifts is cool, it shows that someone was thoughtful to give you a present, but that doesn't constitute love in my mind. Quality time is very important, and I do try to express that as an action (calling a friend up, visiting, catching up over lunch etc.). But for me, actions (without words) is the strongest element of love expression. I remember I broke down one time and cried when I got a big cooler of food from home unexpectedly thru a friend. I realized then that my parents loved me so much more than I thought they had (misconception that I was the forgotten middle child). If you talk to my sister, you'd find out that we say a lot of mean things to each other, half-jokingly bashing each other. But there's no harm done, b/c that's not our love language so neither of us are hurt by it. But if I asked my sister to do something for me, and she forgets to, I feel hurt and sometimes insulted, b/c I interpreted that as her lack of concern for me (even though that's not true). My friends take many actions to show they care (visiting me, cooking 4 me, calling me, driving me, picking up after me etc.), it warms my heart, cuz I know I'm loved and cared for. Even right down to the little details of life can stirke a chord in my heart that I won't easily forget. But to express your love and concern for other ppl, you must use the language that they associate love to, in order for them to understand. That may not the same as your own love langauge, and that takes lots of practice to get it right. This may also explain why we have best friends (the ones that fully understand your language and expresses it), to close friends (learning more about each other's love language), to friends (perhaps different love languages), to aquaintances. I guess this is what makes human relationships so unique and wonderful, but sometimes confusing, misleading, and even tricky.
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